December 7th, 2009
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Normal human beings should not enjoy spicy foods. Spicy foods make me uncomfortable, sweaty, and ruin the flavor of food. I know that spicy foods are a great way for guys to prove their manhood. Nothing says tough guy like eating a bottle of Volcano hot sauce, but what is the point? Burritos are good. Tacos are good. Chili is good. Other foods are also good. We don’t need to slap hot sauce onto them.
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Spiciness is not a flavor. It is a flavor destroyer. How does it enhance flavor if your tongue falls off? I don’t know about other people but I prefer my diarrhea to not be on fire. Thanks but no thanks. I’ll pass on the spicy.
Next time: Art
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November 28th, 2009
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Some people are going to read this heading and think that I am stupid. “Old Joe doesn’t understand mashed taters? What an idiot!” First off, that is rude. Second, I am probably not stupid. As I enjoyed my Thanksgiving feast this past Thursday I eagerly awaited the best part of the day: the meal. I was very excited to enjoy turkey, cranberries, and my favorite: the mashed potatoes. I always take an extra large portion and load it with gravy. It is what I do.
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You can imagine my shock when I sat at the table and couldn’t find the mashed potatoes. I saw the sweet potatoes, but couldn’t find the classic regular ones. I immediately began to feel dizzy as panic set in. Surely we would have mashed potatoes. Everybody loves mashed potatoes, right? I regained my composure and said quite casually, “Are there mashed potatoes?” I looked my mom in the eyes and her uneasy glance told me all I needed to know. There would be no mashed potatoes.
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I don’t understand Thanksgiving without mashed potatoes. How could I give thanks for anything without my rock and my true love, mashed potatoes?
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Now here it is 4 days later and I still have no answers, only an empty place in my heart and my stomach where the mashed potatoes belong.
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Next Time: Poor Quality Cameras On Electronic Devices
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