Things I Don't Understand

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The purpose of the posts on vintage TIDU (Things I Don’t Understand) is to show that I am not perfect.  Just because there is something that I don’t understand doesn’t mean that that thing isn’t awesome or that someday I will understand it.  Ipods are a good example.

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I was in fourth grade when I encountered my first iPod.  My friend, Andy, had one that he brought on the bus.  At this time kids had CD players to listen to their music.  I had a purple Casio and CD holder that held 32 of my favorite CDs.  When Andy showed me his square white device, I thought sure this thing is tiny and expensive, but why do I want it.  I couldn’t understand why a person would want to have all of there music with them at all times.  What are the chances of you needing to hear 30 hours of music?  Why not just bring 32 of your favorite CDs?

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Turns out, iPods are convenient.  Sure I still don’t need to hear 30 hours of music but now I can listen to random songs and easily create playlists.  I can also brag that I am not a PC and by default, I am also not a nerdy white guy in a suit.

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Today I understand iPods and accept their place in the world and in my ears.

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Next time: Vampires

3 Comments | In: Technology, Vintage | | #

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Croc shoes are certainly not cool.  They were cool for the first day they were out but now they are only worn by moms and 6 year olds.  Sure I’ll slip into my brothers pair if I’m going to gather the mail, or if I want to look unattractive, but in general I agree that crocs should not be worn.

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I can understand the appeal of crocs.  They are comfortable, durable, easy to wear, and come in a variety of different colors.  Especially for children, they are probably ideal.  What I don’t understand is the hatred of crocs.

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Criticism of a certain shoe probably began with the Dutch and their strange idea to make shoes out of wood.  Since then no other footwear has been criticized quite as much as crocs (expect maybe for Ugg boots.)

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It is unremarkable that some people would criticize or dislike a certain type of shoes.  What does surprise me is the extent to which croc haters go.  I can’t understand why people would go to the lengths that they do to show their hatred for something we put our feet in.  There is a blog and numerous facebook groups where people gather together to hate crocs.

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What makes people so angry about crocs?  Why is there a youtube video of a guy burning his crocs?  I just don’t understand.

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Next time: Vintage TIDU: iPods

No Comments | In: Clothing, People | | #

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To begin, this post is about the animal cats, not the Tony award winning musical.  While I do not understand the musical, this post will address my confusion with the household cat.

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Cats begin their lives great: as kittens.  Kittens are adorable, playful, and tiny.  I understand the appeal of kittens.  What I can’t understand is why you would keep a kitten after it is a full grown cat.

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One main argument of cat people is that cats are clean.  Cats poop in boxes and don’t roll around in it.  I believe that pooping in a box is creepy and disgusting.  Poop should be in 2 places: toilets or in flaming paper bags on your strange neighbors front porch.  Not boxes in your living room. (Cats that poop in toilets are awesome.)

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Cats seem evil to me.  They have eyes that pierce my very consciousness and seem to mock me when I make mistakes.  Cats are happiest when you are unhappy.  I like it when cats rub on my leg but then when I try to pick them up, they go ballistic.  Dogs like to please, cats like to tease.

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If the only requirement you have for your next pet is for it to be soft, cats are great.  Otherwise if you want a companion that may smell a bit get a dog.  Or a chimpanzee.

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Next time: Croc Haters

No Comments | In: Animals | | #

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I can understand Glen Beck.  I understand that there are crazy people in the world.  I understand he is on tv because people watch his show.  What I don’t understand is why anyone would watch his show.

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I have tried 3 times to watch Glen Beck.  The first time he was talking about Nazis and their ideas on euthanasia.  I may have watched for a maximum of 2 minutes.   I became very angry and confused.

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To me, Glen Beck is a cross between a fat hamster and a fat pig with their combined intelligence.  He relies less on logic and more on emotion.  It is remarkable what passes as journalism these days.  I can watch Bill O’Reilly. Bill O’Reilly is at the very least entertaining.  I like when he yells at his guests.  It is funny.  Glen Beck and his ideas scare me.

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Now if Glen Beck was a homeless person complaining about the Nazi Socialist Obama, that would be one thing.  People in the street would ignore his crazy ramblings and pee spattered pants.  Unfortunately he is on tv with very good ratings.  I don’t understand.

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Next time: Cats

No Comments | In: People | | #

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Today is the 10 year anniversary of Mathew McConaughey’s run in with the law. It was on this day in 1999 that he was found naked and playing the bongos inside his home in Austin, Texas.  He was drunk and high at the time.  This event sparked a desire for me to try to understand Mr. McConaughey.  Now 10 years later, I am no closer to my goal.

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I challenge anyone to explain to me the reason that Matthew McCaughey is famous.  Is he talented?  I haven’t seen any evidence of it.  He always seems to have a Southern accent and remarkably was born and raised in Texas.  Admittedly, I am not familiar with a lot of his work.  I am mostly familiar with the previews for his movies.  They all seem to be romantic comedies with an attractive leading lady: Kate Hudson, Kate Hudson (again), Jennifer Lopez, and Jennifer Garner.  Somewhere in the movie he will probably shirtless.

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I’m not saying that I don’t like him I just don’t understand him.  There’s something about being shirtless for a long time that makes me uneasy.  The man can afford shirts, but I guess he can afford skin cancer treatments, too.

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He also started a foundation.  It’s called the j.k. livin foundation.  The is “dedicated to helping teenage kids lead active lives and make healthy choices to become great men and women.”  Is Matthew someone that makes “healthy choices” or a one of the “great men”?  I don’t know and I certainly don’t understand.

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Side note: His voice is like Woody Harrelson’s.

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Next Time: People that like Glenn Beck

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No Comments | In: People | tags: Matthew McConaughey. | #

I don’t understand twitter. What valuable information could be portrayed in only 140 characters? I can’t think of anything. The only messages that are really important and also brief involve the words help, danger, fire, and diarrhea. Unfortunately, most tweets involve cat photos and mundane activities. Only occasionally does Ashton Kutcher tweet about bowel movements.

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There are some things that I don’t need to know about, and with twitter, I now know that there are many things I don’t need to know about. I don’t care how long the line at the grocery store was. I don’t care that you changed deodorant. I don’t care that your dog looks cute in “people clothes”.

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What they really should work on is a website like twitter but instead of telling me what other people are doing, the messages will be translated into what it means to me. I would call it MEtter.

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For Example a normal twitter message from “Randy” might look like this: “shoveled snow for 40 mins. winter sux..”

A translated version would look like this: “it snowed”.

See it got right to the point. I don’t need to look at pointless messages anymore (unless they are facebook statuses).

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Here’s are more examples:
Ted says “I ♥ garlic bread” =====> MEtter says “don’t get too close to Ted”

Paul says “played beatles rock band. drums are hard :/ ” =====> MEtter says “don’t mess with Ringo”

June says “out of red bull. gunna die” =====> MEtter says “Joe, get new friends.”
I cannot wait until twitter is gone because then maybe this will stop being “news.”

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.Next time: Matthew McConaughey

No Comments | In: Technology | | #

I will blog your eyes out.

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